Fantasy booking is for dorks: The WWE Championship and Wrestlemania
As Jason at Wrestlespecitve would say, fantasy booking is for dorks. It doesn't matter how smart you think you are (and I consider myself to be very smart like Lanny Poffo) or how many shoot interviews you've watched and books you've read, you still aren't a professional wrestling writer. (Everyone knows you need to have at least one IMDB credit to be one of those.) As much as we think about booking decisions there is nothing that we can really do about them. There is no way that we can influence them. The odds are, we will never get that job.
That doesn't mean that we can't dream though. Every wrestling fan, just like every baseball or football fan, knows that things would be better if they were in charge. "If they just did things my way then business would be through the roof," we think. It's why we play games like Total Extreme Wrestling, it's why we complain when things don't go our way. It's just a part of who we are.
So screw it. I'm a dork and I am going to do some fantasy booking.
Who should win the WWE championship is a big question going around wrestling right now and with good reason. Ryback is being presented as the Next Big Thing and he is yet to lose a single match. He's being given the "Goldberg push" according to internet wrestling experts, but is probably closer to the Brock Lesnar push that Brock got when he first entered into the WWE (only Ryback is a good guy.) Anyways, there are those who say that the WWE should strike while the iron is hot and have him end CM Punk's reign. While others say that the only money to be made is from The Rock vs CM Punk at Royal Rumble. I see both viewpoints, but don't really agree one hundred percent with either. I will admit the following things:
- CM Punk needs to keep the title.
- There is money to be made off The Rock wrestling at the Royal Rumble.
- Ryback is hot right now.
- CM Punk vs. The Rock is money.
These things are true. However, I think things should shape out a bit differently and here is how I would do things if I were in charge.
Introduce a real flat tax, like zero.
- CM Punk retains over Ryback somehow, some way. It could be clean, it could be through interference (Lesnar!? OMG), it could be through Ryback being so strong he accidentally makes the entire cell collapse onto himself, whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is that CM Punk retains the title.
(Side tangent: I hope this match is the beginning of CM Punk wrestling like the Young Bucks at King of Trios. The Bucks had the thousand (if that) in attendance hating their every move. CM Punk acting like that in a WWE arena could start a riot. It would be amazing and because of that it will never happen.)
- John Cena, now feeling better, challenges CM Punk at Survivor Series. Or maybe it's a three way with Cena, Punk and Ryback. Again, doesn't matter. At the end of the night it is John Cena who stands victorious. I'd prefer if it was in a way where John Cena doesn't necessarily prove that he is better than Punk. Maybe (and this is off the top of my head) Ryback hits the Shell Shock on Punk and then hits it on Cena, but somehow Cena ends up on top of Punk? What's important is Cena has the title because...
- DOLPH ZIGGLER IS CASHING IN. Dolph Ziggler is your new WWE champion! Seriously, it's pointless to involve him with Sheamus and the World Heavyweight Championsip. Ziggler is ready for the big time.
- The TLC pay-per-view features Ziggler retaining which leads to...
- Ziggler vs The Rock at Royal Rumble. Why? Because the Rumble match + The Rock's first match since Wrestlemania is going to do good business no matter what. It doesn't need CM Punk vs. The Rock. Everyone assumes that The Rock is winning the title here anyway, so why not have him give a little bit of his Rock magic rub to a guy who really needs it? Why not have Ziggler get the chance to prove himself against one of the WWE's greatest? The Rock wins the title, obviously, but the match is great and it doesn't matter that it's not Punk because...
- Punk is winning the Rumble. Last year's Rumble sucked because there was honestly like two guys who could win it and a million Epico and Primos. This year? Punk, Orton, Big Show, Cena, Bryan, Kane, Sandow, Rhodes, RYBACK, Lesnar (?), Undertaker (?), Del Rio, Christian, Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, The Miz and Mark Henry could make it one of the most star studded Rumble matches since the early 2000s.
- In my fantasy nerd dream world, Punk wins ala Steve Austin in 1996 with a LOT of controversy. Enough controversy to the point where Punk is forced to put up his Wrestlemania title shot against The Rock in the Elimination Chamber (because, seriously, there is no way The Rock is wrestling on that B-show.) Punk ends up winning which means...
- PUNK VS. THE ROCK at WRESTLEMANIA.
Look, I know that I sound like the classic internet smart mark fantasy booking asshole, but I think this could work. If WWE is serious about CM Punk as a main event star then this is the direction they need to head. John Cena vs. The Rock 2 does nothing for anything except for this year's buyrate and after that it's gone. Even that should be down because there is a "been there, done that" feel and most fans fully expect John Cena to even up the series. The drama is lost and the specialness of last year is gone.
On the other hand, CM Punk vs. The Rock is fresh. It takes CM Punk from tippy-top guy to another stratosphere. It solidifies him as Someone Who Is Important In The WWE and that is what WWE needs right now. Last year's match also had a lot of "Now vs. Then" overtones to it, but they were somewhat fake. John Cena Superstar could have existed in any WWE time because Vince McMahon would have wanted him to exist. Vince McMahon doesn't want CM Punk to exist, but he does. CM Punk and The Rock feels more Now vs. Then than The Rock and John Cena ever could and if anyone is going to get the illustrious pin on The Rock, it should be CM Punk.
Plus, it opens up tons of options for the rest of the card. CM Punk vs. The Undertaker feels like another Undertaker win. Cena vs. The Undertaker? Not so much. Or what if Ryback flipped his lid at the loss and started an even more insane reign of terror? How awesome would Cena vs. Ryback be? Cena could finally be the underdog again! Throw in Brock Lesnar and this is a packed, packed show. I just hope they aren't too afraid to go for it.