Tag Archives: Hulk Hogan

Thursday Morning Cartoons: Nobody horses around with Hulk Hogan

When we last left our friends in Hoganville they took a break from sleeping in the same bed and going to breakfast to befriend a lost horse that was being chased by bad guys (who were surprisingly not Roddy Piper) and even taken him to the gym with them to help them work out. It was an extra long episode that had so much plot development that we had to string it in to two parts. That second part? IS RIGHT NOW.

Everything is going good and the guys are just working out. Lou Albano has rigged his machine to feed him a sub BECAUSE HE'S FAT. I know this is a kid's cartoon and everything, but why did Captain Lou get saddled with the fat gimmick? If you wanted to have a guy eating all the time wouldn't it be Andre? He's a GIANT. He needs to eat just to sustain himself. Anyways, things are going good until the bad guyz show up.

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Tuesday Morning Cartoons: My mane man Hogan

While watching Total Divas this week I had a thought, Total Divas isn't really all that good of a show, but I'm glad it exists. I love wrestling, but you can't just watch wrestling 24/7. You need to watch other types of shows, but if you could have a show to watch that isn't wrestling but also still is that would be perfect and that's what Total Divas is. Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling is/was the same thing for kids of the 80s. It's wrestling, but just barely. I'm glad it exists.


The Four Legged Pickpocket

This week's episode, The Four Legged Pickpocket, doesn't offer an opening scene with a wrestler doing something (boo) and gets straight to the cartoon after the opening theme so that's what we're going to do. Based on the picture above I think this episode is about a horse who steals. Hogan then tracks the stealing horse to the Kentucky Derby where he enters himself into the race and wins by 10 lengths, costing Roddy Piper millions in gambling losses. Let's see how right I am! Read more

Tuesday Morning Cartoons: Thank you Dr. JUNKENSTEIN, your junk is the best

Welcome to Tuesday Morning Cartoons! Your Tuesday morning palette cleanser after whatever it was you saw on Raw last night that stressed you out! This week we are covering the second cartoon from the first episode "JUNKENSTEIN" which is about a robot made of junk. Why didn't they call it Junkenstein 5000? Because this is only the first model, duh.

Before we get to the second cartoon we have Hulk Hogan training Mean Gene at the MYG TS NIAM.

myg ts niam

Mean Gene is well over a thousand leg lifts when Hulk Hogan decides to go make him a protein shake. Well, the protein is all the way done, but Hogan decides to add a little something extra.

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A WHOLE EGG INCLUDING THE SHELL.

What a guy! Hogan then goes to bring the shake, that he didn't really blend that long, over to Mean Gene, but...

sleeping mean gene

Mean Gene is sleeping! But that's okay says Hogan because whenever you work out hard, you're going to get a good night's sleep. Honestly, falling asleep is probably the best thing Gene could have done. Eggshells won't kill, but that shake probably tasted like shit.

We then cut to a woman who is trying to get her keys out of her locked car. This is REALLY funny to Nikolai Volkoff.

nikolai-volkoff

The reason being that she is trying to unlock the car "the American way." He then shows her the Russian way which is RIPPING THE DOOR OFF.

russianway

Seriously, who made this car? No wonder the Japanese are taking over. (80s joke.)

The lady is, understandably, pissed off at Nikolai ruining her "beautiful car," but Nikolai assures her that's it's okay and puts it back on.

russianway2

And it stays!

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Nikolai Volkoff is my favorite character on this show.

With the excitement of Nikolai Volkoff breaking and fixing cars over, it's time to get to the cartoon. Read more

Tuesday Morning Cartoons: The Junkyard 500

Hulk Hogan's Rock and WrestlingRaw can be stressful. That's why we're here every Tuesday with a palette cleanser: Tuesday Morning Cartoons. This week we cover episode one of Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling: The Junkyard 500. Warning: There will be GIFs.

Hello everyone and welcome to the first episode of our new feature, Tuesday Morning Cartoons! Each week we will take a look at one of the classic episodes of Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling cartoon that aired on CBS in 1985 and 1986. I'd love to say that this is a show that I have strong memories of from my childhood, but in all honesty I've never seen a single episode. I imagine it is really good though. I mean, it has rock AND wrestling. How could it be bad?

We start off the very first episode with none other than Bobby Heenan. Not a cartoon Bobby Heenan, but a real live video of him. He's here to talk about the new fad in America today: exercise. He knows a lot about working out from managing as his client Big John Studd works out "three or four times" a week. He then demonstrates a proper lifting technique for us.

Bobby Heenan weightlifting

"Well, that's one of the reasons I'm Bobby the Brain. I don't need this junk, I've got a brain."

I would go further into this video (as well as what exactly Heenan is wearing for shorts,) but it's time for our first cartoon! Read more

It’s time for TNA to take Paul Heyman’s advice

I really want to like TNA, I do. I've been following the company since it started and there has always been flashes of the things I like about wrestling that WWE wasn't offering. I remember ordering one of the early Nashville shows for an AJ/Lynn/Low Ki match and briefly believing that Ron Killings was going to be a thing. I remember when Raven showed up and proclaimed that it was his destiny to win the NWA World Heavyweight championship. Raven was motivated and I believed his destiny would be fulfilled and... Jarrett won. I remember watching when Dusty Rhodes would hang out with all the hot girls on the show in the back of his pickup with some hay in it. ajstyles(Seriously, what was that?) I remember watching them on Fox Sports with the timer for all the matches (was that real wrestling show on before or after?), Triple X vs. AMW, the Pounce, Apolo, the ROH breakup, Samoa Joe's debut and everything else. Throughout it all one thing has remained the same: TNA has disappointed me.

My favorite things in TNA were always the non-main event things. In the beginning it was the X-division, because of course it was. Then it was the tag division. Eric Young. The X-Division again. The tag division again. The Knockouts. Eric Young again. Samoa Joe. Bad Influence. Joseph Park. These things were and are great, but they were never the focus. The focus was on Jarrett or whatever former WWE guy was on the roster at the time. To TNA's credit, they have fixed this a bit over the past couple of years by pushing homegrown stars and keeping the title on their own guys, but it is still missing something. It still feels like a rehash of something else. It's not fresh or original or good, really. It's just TNA.

Of course, none of this is news. I am not breaking the lid off the problems with TNA. They are well documented and everyone has their opinion as to why things are the way they are. I'm not here to outline how to fix the problems that TNA has, but instead to offer some advice: It's time to listen to Paul Heyman. Read more

TNA: Push This, Not That

When my son was first starting to eat regular food, his mom gave me a book called Eat This, Not That which was basically a guide to what is healthy/unhealthy at chain restaurants. You know, because I am an idiot who thinks 2-year olds should eat McDonalds for every meal. The premise was simple. Don't eat a Big Mac, eat a grilled chicken sandwich. Don't eat ice cream, eat a salad. It was so stupid, but in a way where you could see someone reading it and actually being surprised and then being disappointed in the human race. The target market for this book is not the smartest bunch to say the least. I recently came across this book while cleaning and it made me think of TNA.

I want to like TNA, I really do. I like so many people on their roster and I like how they aren't slaves to a specific look or style like WWE is. Their in-ring product is often better, but their everything else isn't and their desire to be like WWE is their ultimate downfall. Still, it's the closest to WCW we're ever going to get. Unfortunately, they always seems to take up the worst qualities of WCW, but just like WCW no matter how terrible it gets there are always a few bright spots. How can anyone hate a company that employs AJ Styles, Austin Aries, Robert Roode, Christopher Daniels and Samoa Joe? I can't. It's impossible. So I'm always watching from afar. I'm always peeking in and hoping for better, but they always let me down. This must be how my parents feel about me.

TNA has actually gotten a lot better about who they use. Jeff Jarrett is gone. Robert Roode, James Storm and Austin Aries have all made giant leaps while AJ, Joe, Daniels and Kazarian are all important parts of the show. That's huge, but at the same time 3 of the 4 major titles are currently held by former WWE guys whose best days are behind them. That's not good. They're better than that.

So let's try fixing TNA with some small This/Not That changes. Read more